you're my oxygen. i don't want to breathe without you.

the long overhaul, overdue?, update for may '07.

i started working a week and a half ago at the theater again. second job. it's okay. better than the grey era, but different. it will never be how it was when i was eighteen, but that's life i guess.

the new era of employees are a new experience for me. to see the new people come in, is like a revised, "save by the bell," show... it's kinda cool. doug, tyler, santos, justin... they're A-OKAY.

i'm tired and blank most of the time. when i'm irritated with something these days, i'm usually too tired to give a shit to bother arguing, so i let it go.

i have today off so that's a bonus in my bank.

i begin therapy thursday. hopefully get to the bottom of depression. we'll see.

i've been listening to a few albums in a consistent rotation lately. they are:

new found glory - coming home.
tv on the radio - return to cookie mountain.
flickerstick - live from atlanta.
mc chris - dungeon master of ceremonies.
a perfect circle - mer de noms.
flyleaf - flyleaf.
the departed - soundtrack.
porno for pyros - good god's urge.
mogwai - happy songs for happy people.
gnarls barkley - st. elsewhere.

don't ask my why, but i listen to each album at least once during the day.

the new die hard trailer has kevin smith at the tail end of it with his cameo, and it makes me smirk. while the new halloween trailer via rob zombie's genius gives me a boner.

i had to go get my MRI done at the lehigh radiology center that doubled with the OBGYN of lehigh.

so when the receptionist asked me if i was there for an MRI with a room full of women looking at me, i said, "nope. i'm here to see my OBGYN to see if i'm pregnant..."

and that's my life. boring, funny, tiring, depressing, and sometimes blissfull while others are miserable. i have no strength to give a shit anymore. i just go through the motions.

"oh comely, i will be with you when you lose your breath... chasing the only meaningful memory you thought you had left."

i have slummed into this depressive funk today. i'm sunburnt, and worn out, and i begin working a second job as a projectionist, friday night.

i've been listening to a lot of, "neutral milk hotel," lately... truly one of my all time favorite bands. and another reason i cannot wait to get my ipod. i can max out that 80 gig drive with so much music, and when i get the wireless adapter, i can bring NMH to work with me in the work truck via a station...

halo 3 beta does not work with crackdown. i'm pretty upset about that, but not enough to open any veins.

i want to miss someone, but i'm not sure it would really be warranted. i always do this. like i'm trying so hard to be into something that i just don't have any place being to begin with.

i don't know how much i will write anymore. the vicodin has run dry.

three forty-five in the morning.

i had this strange dream that i don't really remember... i also have that nasty, scummy feeling inside my mouth. the kind where i know i need to brush asap.

saw a recent picture of an ex, and it's weird, because she looks pretty on the aspect of a new hairstyle, but the past two years look like they've taken a toll on the rest of her. not weight wise, just... stress has done a number on her... and it's always nice to see a picture of her sister wearing a shirt i gave her. ah well... who cares anyway? time goes along with situations. maybe i'll listen to, "darkest days," by stabbing westward and drink blood... kidding... only kidding.

i pretty happy that the past two realtionships i've had turned out the way they did. i think back on it now, and i can't honestly see myself being in either with a real grain of reality staring back at me from them. they were experiences and i learned from them. i really hope the next one i'm in is with a somewhat sane individual. although i have my hang-ups too so i should take some blame.

this weekend is like all my other weekends. i've stayed in, well, i'm broke so i can't go anywhere anyways, though i want to see, "28 weeks later," and bob and heather have officially become roommates once again.

we watched this film, "catch and release," with jennifer garner, and kevin smith.

kevin smith plays a character that is basically me without the amount of booze consumption, but the story is lackluster love stuff.

i want to own the first two pirates movies...

bob got my rabbit ears a working, so aside from sopranos, all my other shows: 24, heroes, lost, the office, will be watched on my big tv on their regularly scheduled air dates.

my back really aches right now.

HALO lashes.

i was beside myself when i arrived home tonight to find my cable internet was down. i cried and yelled.

now it's up again.

i have an eyelash in my eye that's driving me insane.

in the time the net was down, i picked up, "HALO," and began playing it from the beginning all over again... i truly love this game.

spidey sense tingling...

i was off from work today. i left early yesterday... normally, i wouldn't be so brash to take off, but i felt sick yesterday, mainly a stomach, backdoor number two kinda thing, that carried over to today, and, i also had a doctor's visit today to see if i have carpel tunnel syndrom. the jury's still out on it. waiting for the results... but i will say this. getting electro-shocked for ten minutes is not as much fun as one might assume. it actually sucks.

i should know by friday or saturday if i will be a projectionist again. although, i feel oddly confident that i'll get the job. i hope i do. i'll be working close to eighty hours a week, but, the money, added onto the fun i had working at the theater... kinda fits. and plus, i have a lot of debt to pay off.

i'd be lying if i said i wasn't looking forward to, "spiderman 3," but truthfully, i'm looking more forward to playing the new 360 game. i kinda want to play part 2 on xbox again. give it another go. i remember loathing it, but we'll see.

i don't think there will be a spiderman movie in my lifetime that will truly give me what it is i want... to see the vulture brought to life on the big screen.

vulture is easily my favorite, and more underrated spidey villan. i would also like to see mysterio brought to life, but i feel both these villans, much as i love them, would never translate over in hollywood's eyes, because they're more unknowns to common moviegoers, whereas green goblin and doc ock are like what the joker and penguin are to batman... although... they did use ra's al ghul as a main baddy in the reinventing of batman... hmmm...

i love sandman as a villan, i do, and venom is, okay at best, but is it necessary to cram in three villans, osbourne is not forgotten, into a two and a half hour movie? that's what i though originally ruined the batman franchise back in the 90's... one at a time... if you make a quality story driven film, people will clammer for a follow-up... concentrate on one background of a villan, not three... i have a feeling i won't like this spidey as much as the first two.

i'm pretty drained. not tired drained, but i guess, just bored with things. life needs to get exciting... i want to lose weight and fight crime.

and now, in spirit of spidey week, two of my favorite, spiderman themed penny arcade comics...

last things last.

i let the vicodin take me over, and i feel the pain in my knee and hand removed... as i type this, i am listening to, "the sea and the bells," by the rachel's... music has never sounded so beautiful to me...

the new season of sopranos started of weak being the last season, but last night's episode was pure gold. i like the prospect of opening three different avenues for tony to get his due.

only four more episodes of, "24," left in the season... on the brink of war... can jack stop it? who knows...

bought a suit for the theater. chances are, and i hate getting ahead of myself, but chances are 99.9 percent that i'll be hired by next week. by my own guess. i got good references and my background check should be fine. no worries there.

i think i'll go and lay down in my bed, and just listen to music and think about a beautiful girl that i miss terribly.

tired with a twenty percent chance of a migrane.

i sit in my house, irritated that by letting my dog onto the bed with me, i blatantly invited dog urine to coat my bedsheets, leaving me to wash them... i've never yelled at a dog so much in my life.

weekends come and go so fast, it's ridiculous. if i get the projectionist job, which i think i will by the end of next week, background check which will come out fine i'm sure, then i won't even think about weekends, because i'll be working them. except for sundays. my one day off.

i went to church with mike and colby today. it was nice. i've been going on a semi-regular basis anyway, and it's nice to go with people i know.

donko came over and hung out with bob, heather, and me. fun was had by all.

i made my hormel chili dip, which, as it turns out, was succesful and there's nothing left as proof.

"patent pending," by heavens, is one of my favorite albums. period. i just framed the poster for it's past release, and is now hanging in the livingroom.

season two of, "twin peaks," is almost finished for me, and even though it's nowhere near as good as the first season, seeing david lynch as FBI regional bureau chief, gordon cole, makes it all the worth while...

werewolves and lollipops.

patton oswalt's new album, is so funny, it's impossible to describe. it's a breath of fresh air to hear a new album come from my hero of comedy, and i look forward to buying it in it's full package in july with the dvd and whatnot... for now, i need to listen to the promo copy i got some more... best line that made me lose my breath for a good five minutes?...

"hey dad, i threw your blade runner gun up on the roof... faggot..."

it's been a medicated day. i've virtually been medicated for no real reason...

i had some really good chili that this lady i work with, who thinks of me as her son, made me.

she knows i'm financially struggling so she's been making me big quantities of food to take home... this weekend, a massive bin of chili. and it's yummy.


gave the dog a bath, cleaned out my turtle, ville's tank... that's it... i'm gonna listen to some more patton and laugh.

funniest movie of the year.

it's true... i loved, "shaun of the dead." this... this is a far funnier film. cheers to edgar wright and simon pegg... nick frost too...

in other news, i'm thinking about eventually getting an 80 gig ipod. not just for the trip to europe next year, but it's comforting to think i could just lump every song or cd i have into a single little box...

it should be said about robot chicken...

robot chicken is one of my favorite shows airing on adult swim. it just is.



i'm still waiting for season two to come out on dvd, but in the mean time, i found out, that not only did george lucas himself broker half the deal, but he's also gonna star in a half hour special seth green wrote with his partner, of a robot chicken star wars spoof...

find out how it came together here.

worth a thousand words.

that image makes me giggle... because JAWS is one of my all time favorite films, and i really enjoyed black snake moan...

onto the task at hand now...



crackdown. yep. crackdown. crack down on them criminals...

initially i didn't want this game. because the demo sucked. the graphics sucked, and i just didn't want to have anything to do with it. even if they were to thrown in a halo 3 beta. to hell with them...

and then... a copy of it was given to me from a friend, to utilize on may 16th for halo 3... sweet...

somehow, i found myself putting the game in, and actually playing it... and you know what, i liked it, NAY... fell in love with it.

aside from it's completely simple structure, it makes random killing of bad guys a whole lot of fun... and what's more, imagine the excitement i got when xbox live sent me a message saying someone online wanted to join me in my pursuit of justice... a co-op player, joined in my ongoing game to help me out. a partner...

and it was then when i heard the awful banter of george clooney and that kid who played robin in the last bad batman movie...

"not just a friend... but a partner..."

the game proved itself to me to the point where when i got up in the morning before work, i played it. when i came home from work, i played it. it's addictive.

and now... i beat it... and the ending... a complete and utter let down... let's hope the sequel, woops, doesn't fail us...

...BUY IT.

not extensive at all...

nothing major to report.

in lue of being broke, i'm selling nate my guitar hero 2 set for 360. i beat it, i'm bored with it. wah-wah...

check out how much silent hill: origins on psp has changed graphically since it's inception... wow... click image for 1up's full rundown... a psp game to get excited for...

aside from the norm.

missing kate terribly. as well as mikey and colby.

found out some good news concerning a film position.

aside from only having a few ruski henchmen to dissolve in, "crackdown," like three maybe, i got the game beat.

the new sopranos was good last night. i think i've figured out what tony's fate will be.

i just got the leaked episode of the new, "heroes."

and, for the first time ever, if he makes it to the primarys, i'm voting republican this next presidential election... Mr. Rudolph William Louis Giuliani III... i want him as my president. period.

the day of pork and twin peaks...

UPDATE AS OF 9:01 PM EASTERN TIME.

i didn't really watch twin peaks all that much today... i made the ham, hung out with bob and heather for a few hours, and spent three to five hours playing, "crackdown," with xPLx Slate, in co-op mode, mowing down all three main bosses, and just having a blast... that game is like crack handjobs... like crack, but the pleasure of a good fist rub...

-END UPDATE-

a day to remember i'm sure... for this is the day of ham and the twin peaks marathon...

i am making a giant spiral cut, honey ham, along with white, sweet corn on the cob publix had on sale, six for two bucks... the ham has been in my freezer for two months... i'm broke for a while, so i will survive off of this salty pork for the next week or two... and the corn will last a day or so... i love corn on the cob...

i plan on utilizing today to get through as much of twin peaks season two as possible... i just re-watched my first season boxset, and already, can say in my opinion, that the first season was better, but overall, the show as a whole is better than i remember it when i was younger...

the pilot of, "kids in the hall," which hasn't been seen in it's entirety since the 80's on hbo, is coming to dvd in june... all i need is that, and season five, and i'm caught up on my, "kids in the hall," geekdom...

i went to see...

last night... and honestly... it was really good.

it is a modernized version of the james stewart classic, "rear window," and later re-make with christopher reeves in the title role made for tv...

but what differes this aside from current locale settings, it's much more intense and graphic...

even the stupid humor evens out the film with the equality the thrills present...

my only complaint was lack of reasoning for why the killer was a killer, because, damn... there was a lot of corpses in his crawlspace... and, a day after everything, a happy ending is brought on without second thought of the brutality of what just happened a day before...

but as a whole... good way to kill two hours...

something from my childhood comes out this week on dvd...

"the infallible blade of injustice will be engraved..."

there's nothing like the feeling of feeling weak willed by how broke you are...

hal hartley made a follow-up to his amazing film, "henry fool," and the original cast is back in fay grim.

claudio and co. made a video for one of my favorite songs off his, "prize fighter inferno," album, "my brother's blood machine." the video for, "who watches the watchmen," is below...

Who Watches The Watchmen?

Add to My Profile | More Videos

for some reason, i really want to see, "disturbia."

my big toe hurts cause i cut it...

i'm tired today.

i got a citation from the lee county code enforcement for having, "horticultural waste," in my backyard... what does that mean?

it means, the tree limbs i cut down, that i've been taking out in limited loads for the city to pick up, were too painful to look at for one of my moron neighbors, who anonymously called in the complaint...

so... i clean up the branches, and then... go around my neighborhood completely, and find things that are eyesores to me, and call them in... everyone's going down with me...

it's bad enough i'm embarrased by this, but the fact that the branches are in my backyard, out of visual sight, confirmed by the enforcement agent himself, on my property... it's stunning... stunning that i pay out the backside in taxes and mortgage installments, now, i can't have my own backyard however i choose to leave it... granted, i didn't want the branches there, but even if i did, it is MY yard...

neighbors, old people especially, are the worst... someone needs to take me out of commission when i turn fifty.

i still miss kate.

and crackdown is so good... and, xbox live... 3D mini-golf is FUN!

"how can a rooftop view in london, look just the same as one in brooklyn?"

day 3 of the abscence of her. that english woman who turned my world upside right in under two days...

yesterday, i traveled to ten different 7-11's and sought after the three, spiderman 3 hologram cups, finding them all, and enjoying the wild cherry slurpee treat, just so i could think of something else other than her... it worked for an hour and after the brainfreezes, i went back to thinking about her... i hope her flight was okay... almost ninteen hours long...

today, to keep my mind in check, i bought big mac's, since it was buy one, get one for a penny for tax day... that didn't work... she's still on my mind and my belt needs loosening.

i hurt my shoulder somehow at work, so... that sucked.

i actually find myself enjoying, "crackdown," as opposed to the awful demo i experienced some months prior to playing the actual game...

the two new halo 2 maps that were released today, were almost damn near impossible to get because somehow, bungie had a bug in the files, and after persistence, of an hour, i got the maps downloaded, but because of the bug, xbox was telling customers to try downloading tomorrow, as bungie would be offline tonight fixing the problem, so, now that i have the maps, no one else seems to, and i can't play them unless i choose to wander around like a giddy little moron in his own private universe, shooting at things that aren't there and quietly pooping my pants... just kidding about the pooping...

i really am trying to not curse anymore. some might find this to be a fruitless effort, but i want to try and be a better person. and i think i can do it. i curb myself around important people at work and at church, so i think i should be able to do it in my personal life. although i let the f-bomb slip close to twenty times today, each time i caught myself too late, following it up with a, "DAMMIT! sorry..."

and since my shoulder is sore, i popped a pain go bu-bye pill, and will begin reading the new issue of game informer with the huge grand theft auto IV cover story article... woot!

werewolves and lollipops.

patton oswalt's new album, "werewolves and lollipops," will be released by, you heard it correctly, subpop records, on july 10 of '07. sweetness.

aqua teen movie was okay but not great.

new sopranos was better than the last by leaps and bounds... i don't know if i like the disarming christopher angle, but i still enjoy it.

ghost rider on ps2 looks good, and plays fine, but is repetitive and a rehashing of, "god of war."

halo 2 has two new maps tomorrow on live...

the girl i met this weekend is in the air right now, on her way back to england... i spent the day inbetween work, driving to 7-11's, collecting the spiderman 3 hologram cup sets to try and keep from thinking about how much i already miss her, and only after two days of knowing her... life seems to make sense when you stare down the plastic burrows of a wild cherry slurpee. i'm going to england next year. that much is for certain.

my heart reads... sorrow.

the tagline for, "before sunrise," is...

"can the greatest romance of your life only last one night?"

i feel numb and lost. and bummed... this weekend was amazing, and now... life is back to life...

"so we meet again, and i offer my hand, of dry, and english woe..."

in my memory, i cannot find a place in my life where i have been as happy as i am now... i feel utter gratitude for mike and colby in my life, and god for second chances... this has been the greatest day and night of my life. period.

Just one look into your eyes
One look and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one kiss and I'm alive
One kiss and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one touch and I'm on fire
One touch and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful

Just one smile and I'm wild
One smile and I'm ready to die
'Cause you're so beautiful

Oh and you're so beautiful
My darling
Oh you're so beautiful
You're so beautiful
Oh my baby
You're so beautiful
And you're so beautiful
Oh my darling
Oh my baby
And you're so beautiful

-beautiful [H.I.M.]