modern hip-hop and the amateur porn video.

i've been watching a great deal of pornography the past day or so, and believe this or don't, but i didn't jerk off to any of it.

i'm trying to get back to a simpler time when i was younger and part of the excitement building up to climax, was just watching and getting turned on.

when i do have alone time, which is rarely, i can close my eyes, and rub one out within two to three minutes, only to be let down by a lackluster, quick orgasm... i'm trying to train myself to go longer and enjoy it. when i'm with a woman, no problem. it's like a fucking floodgate was bust open...

i'm a fan of amateur porn. mostly, i've been watching these webcam vids, of college girls doing strip teases, nothing more, to modern hip-hop music. i'm not looking for the hip-hop mind you, it just happens that every girl who decides to dance nude in front of her webcam, put on shitty music... naturally i lower the volume and pretend that they're talking really dirty, seeing how i'm turned on by dirty talk, but somewhere along the line, i picture the girl saying:

"oh yeah, you like that... oh yes... i'm so wet... ummm... i have to go doodie..."

...and then... i just start to laugh.

less than ten minutes before work, so...

things about this past weekend/today that kinda sucked:

-richard wasn't available to teach my UFS penny arcade game saturday.
-resident evil: extinction [shoulda been more obvious]
-i have to go to work with a group of people of fucking loathe today.
-miss the, "family guy," star wars hour episode.

things about this past weekend/today that kinda kick a little ass:

-got my comics.
-garth ennis's, "the boys."
-downloaded the, "family guy," star wars hour episode.
-season two of, "heroes," begins tonight, with the season premiere of, "smallville," and, "the office," on thursday.
-took my old xbox into my room and began playing for the fourth time through from scratch, "fable," and fell in love with it all over again.



things about today i want to avoid:

-people i work with.
-getting sore nipples. now, this one needs some explaining...

a few weeks ago, and again last friday, i learned that when you sweat consistently all day while working, the moisture mixed with the rubbing of your shirt, causes most of your body to break out in sores, like raw skin and shit.

well, the past two times, this last friday being the worst, both of my nipples got so raw from the sweat, that they actually bled a little, and i still have little blood scabs on my chest... so... yeah, that sucked.

"another day, another chance to get it right..."

i took puddin out this morning around four-thirty to let her do her buisness, and ended up walking around, enjoying the cool breeze that seems to be sweeping this past week's mornings.

i've been listening to hearty amount of ben harper and flickerstick lately. it just seems to make sense i guess.

on recommendation, i began, and finished the first season of, "scrubs."

when julie and i were together, i had seen episodes here and there when staying at her place. i never really found them funny. but, now that i started from the beginning, it makes more sense, and it actually is very funny. not, "the office," funny mind you, but funny. and it has a fair amount of dramatic heart.

i got giddy watching zach braff's character and this other girl, elliot, develop a brief relationship, and it made me feel good, and i laughed and... and... i don't know.

i got sentimental by watching a fictional fling on a tv show, and just as soon as the sentimentality came, it was gone.

last night, i thought about all the real relationships i've been in, which, by my reality counter, is one, as i refuse to count jess as real, because i don't think i ever really loved her.

i think out of all the women i dated, the only one i can admit to truly being in love with, is juliann.

in so many ways, i still am in love with her. i don't think that will ever change. i need to admit it to myself somedays, that, i do miss her. but that doesn't mean we were supposed to be together.

and despite these feelings i may have, it took a show like, "scrubs," to make me realize that, no matter how much i like, or enjoy romanticized stuff on tv or in film, in reality, it doesn't make much sense to me, much less mesh with who i am as a person.

i learned last night, that i don't need to rely on someone for the rest of my life. i don't need someone to wake up to, and i don't need to share my experiences throughout life, intimately.

being that guy who is the perfect compliment to who you are as a person, it's just not written in my DNA... and, i'm okay with that.

i still get frustrated when i have the urge to fuck, but that doesn't mean i want to be in a relationship. that'd be incredibly unfair and ludicrous to anyone. and honestly, i haven't been aroused in a while.

i like where i'm at in life. i like being a nerd. i like reading comicbooks, and playing videogames. it's who i am. and maybe it's selfish, but that's the honest truth. i like being alone.

"how important i could have been, to you..."

my dad turned the big fifty this past thursday. that same day, my roommate and bud, bob, turned thirty. how odd.

i miss my dad. funny old guy. he said he wants me to track down an old nintendo for him with mario and duck hunt... we definitely share genetics.

i found my halloween costume while i was in the cape yesterday.

i was waiting for tom to open up the comic store, so i went across the street to the factory outlet place, and at first, i wanted the fay raye costume with the inflatable kong hand gripping the waist... i thought that'd be funny... then i found out it was a sixty dollar get-up... so, i found something better... it involves a nod to an old harold ramis movie i hold dear to my heart... you'll find out close to the day.

while picking up my comics, i conversed with tom as more people came into the store.

normally, i get my books and bolt. i always feel i'll make fun of too many people if i don't, but something stopped me yesterday.

this elderly lady dropped off her three grandchildren to hang out for the remainder of the afternoon to play magic or whatever they were gonna play. she thanked tom for allowing them to have a social outlet that didn't involve the crap that so many kids get caught up into, in today's time.

i smiled and felt grateful for tom and the comic store. i only wish i had a place like that to go to when i was younger.

as i was getting ready to leave, tom said all the kids in general, that he found an unopened UFS deck, and everyone when apeshit... i made a comment how i didn't get it, and he explained the roleplaying game basis to me, and i then remembered that my penny arcade card game was a universal game based in that game system, and could cross over with any of their existing games...

...however, i never learned how to play, and when i mentioned that, all the kids told me to bring my decks in next week, and within five minutes i would be modestly on my way to dominating nerds that where less worthy than me.

so... next saturday when i go to get my comics, i will sit down with a cherry rain gatorade, and learn how to play this...



finally, the forty bucks i spent on the deck will pay off.

"the brother solomon," was just as unfunny as i expected it to be. i made it through forty minutes before i stopped it.

i had digiorno pizza for the first time last night. it was good. not as good as tombstone, but good.

i got a bag of halloween frosted animal cookies, a copy of the new collector's edition of, "the return of the living dead," and two new bottles of nasal spray... and that, is why i'm an uber loser.

oh shit, also, i got a sweet, "justice league of america," shirt in my size at WALMART OF ALL PLACES! for only eight bucks. i shit a brick when i saw it, and nabbed it. the fucking JLA rules.

this comes out...

october 2... it also features david cross, morgan murphy, eugene mirman, and a slew of my other favorite comedians... facken suhweet!

been a good past few days so far...

echoes, silence, patience and grace.

the new foo fighters is really good. ridiculously good. i'm not sure if it's, "in your honor," good, but it's definitely good.

the past few days have been blurs. i've been working my ass off at work, playing, "halo 2," at every opportunity, and tycho from penny arcade and i talked briefly via xbox live headset, and he confirmed that the penny arcade game, will be released on xbox live arcade which gave me all sorts of good vibes... sometime in december according to 1up.com

i started getting a sore throat this morning which sucks ass.

i have this strong urge, after i pick up my comics tonight, to swing by a game store and buy, "elder scrolls: oblivion, game of the year edition," and just get myself lost for the next few years... i really want to play that game something bad. more than, "halo 3."

two more months and, "mario galaxy," will be on wii which i look forward to as well. any new mario is good.

i feel like this blog is bland. maybe because i don't feel interesting. sorry.



november 27... i look forward to a new futurama movie...

destroying the painting and blowing on halos.

realistically, i began playing the first, "halo," four or five days ago.

it was my intention to work through it, and then the follow-up in preparation for the third coming the end of this month.

see, i like to think it's because of all the lsd i did from '99 to '02, that i can't retain anything. how a game is from start to finish, what i just read in the current run of JLA, or anything tv related.

if i do something continuously, over and over, no problem, but if it's one time through and a few weeks pass, i forget it completely. which, is why i'm replaying the games from scratch... so as to keep the master chief storyline fresh in my memory for the third.

i worked through the first one like i said, the past four/five days, and finally came to the end. it's a six minute race to escape from the soon to destruct, pillar of autumn...

needless to say, i'm stuck there.

if it's one thing i've loathed throughout the halo games, is that the vehicles, with the exception of the scorpion and banshee, are next to impossible to handle properly. case in point, this last race having to race out with the shitty steered warthog.

i'm confident i can do it, just not this morning. i tried three times, and after eighteen minutes of death, you tend to give up.

but this morning, captivated in the forthcoming of the end, i was briefly transfered back to when i was dating jess, and she lived here with me.

it wasn't a focus on her, but more of how i felt at that time.

i was twenty-five, and the 360 had just come out, and i was hooked on this caffeinated shower soap that think geek makes, and how i looked forward to reading the newest penny arcade's... i think that year was one of my better, despite living with a woman who was... now, in thinking back, cold as ice. i mean, the weather was chilly then, but one could say that she was literally, frosty, in personality.

recently, i discovered a painting she had done for me as a gift. i looked at it for almost an hour trying to figure it out. just randoms blurred strokes. red, blue, black... i came to a conclusion. i hate art in the sense that it's full of soul and personality. i hate someone who paints an obscure mess and says, "this took me forever, and i poured myself into completely, to bare witness to those who convey it..."

...i destroyed that painting she gave to me. i took it out back, and whaled it against an avocado tree, picked it up, and just began tearing the canvas apart with my hands. when i was done, i crumpled it all up, and threw it in a garbage can.

i need a glass of orange juice.

"you can hug it out, bitch..." -michael scott.

"gears of war," PC will have FIVE NEW single player chapters, one in which you can battle the brumak itself...



and guess what... these new chapters won't be downloadable on xbox live... only pc, so... thanks cliffy b for fucking the fans that put your game on the map... douchebag.

"Hatchet is a 2007 slasher film from Ariescope Pictures [1]. Set in the Louisiana bayou, it is the story of the legend of Victor Crowley. A group of tourists discover that the legend is real and more horrifying than they ever imagined. It features an all-star horror cast that includes Kane Hodder (Friday the 13th), Robert Englund (A Nightmare on Elm Street), Tony Todd (Candyman), Mercedes McNab (Buffy The Vampire Slayer) and Joshua Leonard (The Blair Witch Project). Hatchet is billed as "a throwback to the glory days of horror that literally saws the face off the 'slasher film' as you know it."

above taken from wikipedia, because i'm too tired to write my own version.



i had found out about, "hatchet," through one of the many negative reviews i had read for rob zombie's, "halloween."

it had come up as a reference point of comparison as to how zombie could get a horrible film like his, "halloween," made, while adam green created this indi-budgeted film called, "hatchet," that is a nod to the glory days of the slasher genre.

i sought the film out because it seemed to be talked about by many people as being a truly, original horror flick.

i found the film, downloaded it, ripped it to stream to my 360, and watched one of the coolest, bloodiest films i had seen in a long while, reminding me how much i respect underground horror films that generally go straight to dvd.

i'm not going to talk about the plot, or the well known people who are in the flick... just, it's good to see an original horror film that made me the feel the way i felt when i saw peter jackson's, "dead alive," for the first time... captivated and in awe of something amazing.

visually it's stunning. well shot, digital... and to open the film with marilyn manson's, "this is the new shit,"... i never thought i'd say this, but what a perfect fit for a fucking film opening.

you need to search this flick out and marvel in it...

"God reached his hand down from the sky, he flooded the land then he set it on fire..."

four twenty five in the morning. i've been up since one thirty. i'm tired, and need to be at work in two or three hours. the will to sleep is there, but i can't seem to fall back asleep.

started playing halo from ground zero and up to two in preparation for 3. the only problems with game sequels is the same for monthly comic books... i can't retain the previous story in my mind... probably from all the lsd i did from '99 to '02...

"the office," season 3 dvd is good. not great, but good. the blooper reel was a let down, but over 3 hours of deleted scenes that are pure gold, was definitely a nice touch. and the commentaries. i'm still not through it all the way.

i did get a copy of the new, "HIM," album, "venus doom," which is better than the last album, "dark light," but no where near as good as their earlier works.

it seems to me that all the bands i love that were once great in my mind's eye... well, their new music just doesn't do anything for me. is music dead?

i love the song, "here's your future," by the thermals.

okay... i'm... going to try and fall back asleep for at least an hour.

premonitions and chinese food.

while it has an occasinal, amusing chuckle or two, "balls of fury," was what i expected... a mediocre comedy with truly talented comedians that i expected more from. oh well.

the one thing the movie did for me was give me this massive craving for chinese food. how is it, that we have 24 mcdonald's, taco bell and wendy's that are open till 3 a.m., but no late night/all night and day chinese take out?

i eat from only one place when it comes to chinese... "chinese kitchen," on metro pkwy and winkler. it's hands down the best and freshest chinese i've ever had. and i eat only two different meals there depending on my mood. honey chicken, or sesame chicken lunch combos... i'm telling you, i refuse to eat chinese any place else but there.

so, after figuring the bills out, i have to settle for the regular version of, "the office," season three. which is okay, but i'm so broke, i can't get season two of, "robot chicken." bummed.

the next 360 game i'm looking forward to the most isn't that far off...



search out the trailer on on gametrailers.com... it looks so good. bob and i both decree it. we want to play it.

bob's getting, "halo 3," which is cool, because i don't think i'll pick it up until it becomes dirt cheap, and until i beat the second game to get in sync with continuity. besides, i really want to play on live more than anything with it.

today is labor day. i'm gonna go to the hospital and see if i can watch women give labor?

follow roland into the darkness as he looks for his mojo.

currently listening to:

i beat, "the darkness," last night. that's two 360 games in two weeks. on a roll.

since i beat it, i started downloading every mike patton album i could find... for those who don't know, mike patton does the voice of the darkness with no special audio editing mind you, that's all him... he's gotten the most broad vocal range of anyone working in that industry today, and is also one of the biggest musical geniuses in modern american music to date. the dude can do anything... if you've never heard, "faith no more," "tomahawk," "mr. bungel," "peeping tom," etc... you've been under a rock. the dude is fucking brilliant... and insane.

he did a portion of music on the darkness soundtrack, which is one simple amazing faction to the game itself... i think i like the game more than i liked, "bioshock."

it was flawless. visually stunning. appealing to fans of marc silvestri's comic. controls were solid... it was great.

my only gripe. too short. like many of the 360 games i've played. way too short.

my next 360 title to be conquered will be, "stranglehold." i've decreed it. but i can't get that until next payday. i will begin re-playing, "the warriors," to hold me over.

best buy is offereing a special office box, boxset of, "the office," season three for ten bucks more than the regular. it comes with a dwight bobblehead and a dundie award... guess which one i'm going for? yeah...

got some comics yesterday. began reading the full seven issue run of the dark tower prequel, "the gunslinger born." so good...

wrong turn 2. i got it. it has a patton oswalt voiceover, and henry rollins is in it... is it as enjoyable as the first... no.

balls of fury... haven't seen it yet.

the rob zombie, "halloween," ordeal. okay.

i got a workprint of the film this past monday. a full week in advance.

the first fifty minutes, and it's exact, i clocked it, are incredibly well done. the backstory of young michael is intriguing and well played out. my only complaint with any of the beginning is william forsythe as the asshole boyfriend of michael's mother.

i love william as an actor, hell, he made, "the devil's rejects," for me and my money, but in this film, he just doesn't work. it feels too overacted and doesn't compliment the amazing job that sherri moon zombie actually did to a character that is to be taken serious.

she stepped up with an A game performance as a struggling mother doing what she has to do to make ends meet.

the film falls immediatley as soon as michael goes back to haddonfield. the teens are annoying and horribly acted out, with the exception of getting to see danielle harris' tits.

i don't like how malcolm mcdowell plays sam loomis as a guy who capitalized on his time with michael by writing a best selling novel.

and i didn't like the pointless end of killing, and then michael realizing it's wrong dropping his knife, only to be blasted away by the cops with loomis blubbering like a baby. it was awful.

the film on a whole towards the end was poorly written, shot, and executed by the actors involved.

i'm told the theatrical verison has a different ending, which i'm not sure what it is, but i can tell you this... i believe in zombie as a filmmaker. i do. i loved, "house of 1,000 corpses," and gushed over, "devil's rejects." i just think this wasn't something he should've tried to do.

allow the countdown to the end... begin...

the end of our story is near dear friends...

the funk of corpses in the air.

i beat BioShock this morning around ten something after being up since three something in the morning. correction, yesterday, since it's technically sunday now.

took took four and a half days to beat. great game. i got the happy ending. time to replay to get the other two endings and attempt to unlock the shit i didn't get before.

got an amazingly great copy of, "superbad," which if i haven't stated, is easily the funniest film i've seen in a long while. i don't think there was a moment i didn't laugh. it was written so perfectly, and it just meshed and blended with my entire sense of humor, and it had the heart at the end that it needed to propel itself from being just another R rated comedy.

i think it's a safe assumption to make in saying that the one movie i've been looking forward to seeing for the past year is finally coming to fruition this friday. rob zombie's, "halloween."

in gearing up for the event, i download the soundtrack which isn't nearly as good as his, "devil's rejects," soundtrack, but good none the less. i'm not big on adding dialogue from the film to a soundtrack cd, but, to each his own. i just feel it adds a false pretense to the film's outline.

i also bought, "halloween," the original carpenter classic on dvd, as well as the two disc documentary, "halloween: 25 years of terror." they both came with a free ticket to see the new zombie flick.



i'm so engulfed in zombie's vision, i've been downloading supposed, "drafts," of the script, which are all obviously different, though unique, in attempt to get a better understanding of what he wants to achieve in the film.

i like the idea that he wants to give michael an identity. a backstory. why he is the way he is, why he wears, "the mask," and so on and so forth, whereas john carpenter's vision was more meant to be more simple in that, you put a man in a mask who doesn't speak, just moves, and kills. a force, as carpenter called it, of just mass destruction with no reason behind it. meaning it's more terrifying to not know anything about a man who seems to kill with no intent or emotion. and he was right... in 1978.

i'm just stoked to see another zombie film. i like the guy as a filmmaker. he's good at it. sue me.

and now... re-watch, "the office," season two... only another week to get through for season three's release. spank yo momma...

oh yeah, one more thing. a treat for you's all... can you guess which young mullet wearer in this fred savage classic, "the wizard," went onto play everyone's favorite webslinger?

"that's the big daddy... he protects the little sister..."

this game...



is unfuckinbelievablyfuckinridiculously AMAZING!

there have been a handful of 360 games that have come out that have really held my attention, to the point of not really sleeping during my regular sleep hours during the work week, just so i could play said game/games.

BIOSHOCK is definetly one of the many.

let's put a head on the list of 360 titles to really get me going:

-crackdown.
-condemned: criminal origins.
-peter jackson's king kong [the first game based on a film that was better than the film.]
-gears of war.
-the darkness.

i'm sure there are others, but i've been up since three in the morning with it being six eighteen now, and i'm heading into an eight and a half hour work day that will directly be followed by a shower, cold bottle of beer, and the next however many hours i pump into playing this game.

i'll go into more specifics at a later date.

also, there may be a dust and snow bi-weekly comic coming, written by myself, and illustrated by my friend chris, ala wrathofconn.

let the FRIDAY COMMENCE! VIVA RAPTURE!

"this is a glimpse into what your life could be..."

friday i drove in search of getting a beanbag. i do a lot of my gaming in the livingroom, and i need a big, cushiony beanbag to sit in while geeking out... however, no one seems to have beanbags. target, nor walmart. bummer.

i did cave in and spend twenty bucks on, "the aqua teen hunger force colon movie."

i didn't care for it much when i saw it in theaters, and in some aspects, still don't, but it comes with a bonus disc with an 80 minute deleted movie, that essentially is another cut of the flick, and is much funnier. carl is funnier. as well as shake.

the following image, is a shot i took with the digital cam, of my tv, to show you the new game i love on xbox live arcade... 3d Ultra Mini-Golf rules...



in three and a half hours, i'll be at amc watching, "superbad." that's how i'm spending my sunday morning. watching a vulgar comedy. i'm pretty sure jesus is cool with it.

i think i've made the decision to never go to church again, unless it's for something for a friend or family member. and it's not because i've lost my faith... i just don't see the point anymore. i get annoyed with church. i hate standing in the morning for fifteen minutes listening to people sing music that i really don't enjoy, and then sitting for the next hour to an hour and a half listening to someone, boringly talk scriptures and find a way to incorporate them into current events. i've read the bible. i have belief and faith in my heart. enough said.

going to church is like going to a sexual harrasment meeting at work. you know what to expect, you know what's coming, you know right from wrong, but still, you're insisted on going to somehow clarify that you're not a complete fuckhead. whatever...

cee-lo from gnarls barkley/musical genius has a new side project coming out called, "heart attack." i'm always last to hear about cool shit like this, but i did get a four track sampler of what heart attack sounds like, and it's really good, seventies-like soul music. i look forward to hearing the full album.

going back to rehab.

tonight, i'm depressed. not sure why. i'm gonna keep listening to sage francis throughout the evening, keep a steady dose of painkillers in my system, and possibly go to some thrift stores and maybe eat at papa john's... i'm just gonna go for a drive...

ice monster and chainsaw granados...

first off, my phone stopped working, so, i get everyone's messages, but i cannot call, so, yeah. sorry. not much i can do about that. i'm broke. phoneless i shall be.

my right testicle is still sore. not as bad mind you as the day i entered the e.r., but it's, and i know this sounds funny, but the only word i can find, is, tender. it really feels like some alien hybrid is in my body... i half excpect gillian anderson and david duchovny to waltz in and tell me i'm proof of the alien testicular conspiracy... speaking of, word from both of them is a script is written, and x-files 2 starts filming in november... supposedly a veer from the alien conspiracy, this is gonna be a straight-forward horror flick. nice.

since i've been doped up and whatnot, i began listening to more music, and playing old games.

resident evil 4. gamecube.

i've beat the game four times straight through, and to this day in lingers in the top 5 greatest games i've ever played. however, i have not been playing the story mode, but rather, working my way through, "the mercanaries."

i've unlocked all characters on a four star rating with the exception of one...



every time i go to complete the fourth map that will unlock him, this douchebag always get's me with a head lop-off...



the chainsaw granado is the hardest fucker in the game for me. he moves so fast it's unreal.

minus the bear, one of my favorite bands, put this album out this year...



i recommend not only getting it, but seeking out the four track e.p. bonus album that came with certain prints. it's just as good as their first LP, "highly refined pirates," way better than their last LP, "menos el oso," and as good as the remix album released for, "menos el oso."

minus the bear is just an amazing melodic rock/indie band.

i'm waiting on two downloads. "smokin' aces," and, "lollilove." i look forward to watching those movies.

also, black, seedless grapes from sweetbay are amazingly delicious, and, i had forgotten how much i loved cauliflower. i'm on this fruit and veggie kick. the testy thing kinda scared me into eating healthier...

stranglehold.

seeing as how i'm still sore, i took one extra day off from work. i've never really felt a soreness like this before...

so, my day will be spent sitting, legs open, on the couch, playing, "double agent."

i did however, want to comment on a demo i got off xbox live.

john woo's, "stranglehold," starring, in pixel form, chow yun fat.



i had no desire from the time i read about this game in, "game informer," until this morning, to really play this game. it just didn't seem my cup of tea... however, i do enjoy free demos, and decided, why not.

what i got, was unexpected.

the graphics are nothing special considering the console, but the controls and story alone are incredible. the controls more so than the story. and that's an oddity for me to exclaim seeing as how i'm a whore for story, but the barrage of neat things you can do with your character aptly named, "inspector tequila," yes, it's a sequel to woo's '92 film, "hard boiled," is just amazing.

you have a bullet time sort of thing, but you can slide down rail posts and go into your bullet time, and then at the same time, jump and dive while firing round after round into hong kong baddies, and then right as you come to the bottom of the railing, land on a four wheel watermelon cart, and go sliding around on your belly while on the cart, blasting enemies. it's fucking sweet.

you can jump backwards, land on your back, and just stay on the ground rolling around blasting fuckers in the balls or the head.

and my personal favorite, this thing called stand-off, where when you get surrounded by four or more guys, you go into this first person, slow motion perspective, popping off rounds, while matrix like dodging theirs.

you can enter this bomb mode, and signal in on a certain area of their body, i like the headshots, fire a round, and watch it from the bullets perspective as it marks a nice hole where it lands, pouring blood out everywhere.

this is the first demo i ever played all the way through. i seriously couldn't find myself able to put the controller down.

a rare gem thought to be shit, will be owned by me the end of this month. next week i get, "bioshock," and i'm definetly trading in some stuff for, "stranglehold."

casanova douchenstein and the immeasurable, persistent dream.

i'm not going to go into detail, but yesterday, i was in the e.r. of lee memorial hospital... i had severe pains in my right testicle that could have been a number of possibilities including, but not limited to:

-hernia.
-kidney stone.
-some weird thing where the testicle actually twists around and gets infected resulting in emergency surgery to remove said testicle, this was the one they were most concerned about... how's it's not worse than the one below is beyond me...

or... the worst, testicular cancer.

in the end, it was epididymitis that had poisoned my body. an early stage to a nasty infection located inbetween my sperm duct and urinary tract.

to end this swiftly, i'm gonna be okay, knock on wood, as long as the antibiotics are of use. i was put on an antibiotic and a heavy dosage of percocet that is so high, i get nauseous.

today i fell asleep while watching the x-files and had a dream that has been recurring the past two weeks, and it essentially involves hanging out with nicholas cage, running my own comedy club, and somehow at the end of the dream, every time, there's a scenario where i'm trying to be with my ex again. it's always at her son's birthday party, and i'm not sure why i continue to dream this is some form or another.

it's funny how when you're awake, you're so sure of your views, choices, and perspectives, yet when we fall into slumber, we see this other side that confuses us when we wake.

the following movies i recently saw that i enjoyed:

-hannibal rising.
-doctor strange. [animated]
-the invincible iron man. [animated]
-hot rod. [i know... i can believe it either, but it made me laugh... and i hate andy samberg.]

the new iron & wine e.p. is really good...

The kettle burned cause I left it too long
and we were kissing with the radio on
the cat was choking on a rattle snake bone
the town had gathered round the soldier boy carried home

carried home...

The sick kids ate up all the red clay
and every summer there was imminent rain
the late judge teetered in a john boat
the town had gathered round the soldier boy carried home

carried home...

The broken window and the pretty blue sky
and cold water for my swollen black eye
we shook some money from your mother's old clothes
when all had gathered round the soldier boy carried home

carried home...

missing home.

it's funny how a little sufjan stevens, some ice cream, and endless memories can bring you back to a place you hated so much when you were young, but love so dearly when you're old enough to know better.

i was born at dickenson county memorial hospital on april 2, 1980. that's located in iron mountain, michigan, which directly connects with or through: quinnesec, norway, and kingsford, MI., as well as aurora, and niagara, WI.

i lived in kingsford for the better part of my youth before moving to florida.

i also lived in crystal falls, MI., which is on the outskirts of where i was born, in the middle of the forest more or less. regardless of where it all was, it was all a part of the U.P... the upper peninsula.

the people that live in the upper peninsula have become more commonly known as, "yoopers," thanks to a local traveling comedy/music group properly titled, "da yoopers."

a yooper to me is a combination of a canadian, a little hillbilly, and a good chunk of frozen brain matter. because anyone who lives up in that weather will tell you, to live in that cold, you'd have to be brain dead. but oddly enough, the love i have for the cold is one thing florida cannot take from me.

even though my definition of a yooper is my own, there are others who have dedicated their lives to digging into the historical values of a yooper which you can read more about at the link i put at the bottom of this post.

yoopers have a distinct accent. it's sorta canadian fused with a north dakota/minnesota accent... like, "heya, oh yah, donchaknow..." my mom has the queen of yooper accents, and both of my uncle gary's tower with thick yooper men accents. my cousins as well. i have one that only comes out when i'm visiting up there... my voice deepens and pronounces everything at a yooper decibel.

the upper peninsula truly is a world of it's own that if you haven't experienced in it's essence on your own with your own eyes, ears, and nose, then you will never understand what i mean.

for me, growing up their as a kid, the closest, and i mean, the closest, not gospel mind you, but closest thing i can compare it to in terms to being a kid, is the movie, "a christmas story."

the schools, the snow, the kids, the awful snow suits we were forced to wear to school on winter days... that shits all true.

i haven't seen it, but my mom tells me jeff daniels movie, "escanaba in da moon light," is a good interpretation of life in the U.P.

i began writing this with the nostalgic notion of my life there, and how even though i'm grateful i'm somewhere outside of the U.P., that deep inside, there's a part of me that misses it dearly. part of me wants to move back and live there among old friends that never left, and family that's just as nutty as i've grown to be...

i miss things like this so very much...



if you really want to find out more about who i was born to and where i really come from, go here... and no, this is no joke... this is how people from the upper peninsula are... trust me, i'm related to them...

da yoopers dat com

frustrations.

my vacation for the year, my one week to myself, had it's phasers set to boner cool... the new coheed and cambria album came out this particular week in question, along with part two of the final sopranos dvd season six set, and... also... GRAND THEFT AUTO 4! but... now... this just in via 1up.com...

GTA IV Delayed Until Spring 2008
Rockstar says it needs more time to finish the game.
By Sam Kennedy, 08/02/2007

This just in... Take-Two has announced that Grand Theft Auto IV is being delayed until Spring of 2008 due to "additional development time required to complete the title." We'll have more on this story shortly, but here are a bit of the explanations that came with today's announcement:

"With Grand Theft Auto IV, Rockstar is setting a new standard for next generation video games," stated Strauss Zelnick, Chairman of Take-Two. "Certain elements of development proved to be more time-intensive than expected, especially given the commitment for a simultaneous release on two very different platforms. We all recognize that perfecting the game is vital and I can assure everyone it will be worth the wait. We owe it to the game's millions of fans, to our dedicated development team, and to our shareholders to make sure that Grand Theft Auto IV is a groundbreaking gaming experience that takes maximum advantage of next generation technology."

"The new consoles are allowing us to create the Grand Theft Auto game we always dreamed about," added Sam Houser, Founder and Executive Producer of Rockstar Games. "Every aspect of the game and its design has been completely transformed. The game is huge and is pushing the hardware platforms to their absolute limits. The top engineers from Sony and Microsoft are working closely with the team in Edinburgh right now, helping us to fully leverage the power of both platforms. As always, our goal is to surpass even the wildest expectations of the game's fans, and to create the ultimate high definition video game experience."

Stay tuned for more on this story as we get it.

well fuck me... should i bother taking a vacation now? i don't think so... i had plan to utilize that week at the end of october, beginning of november to immerse in gta goodness of bloodshed and prostitution, and now... no... first manhunt 2, and now this... at least i got bioshock this month... i hope...

and now... the trailer for the aqua teen hunger force game coming to ps2...