"another day, another chance to get it right..."

i took puddin out this morning around four-thirty to let her do her buisness, and ended up walking around, enjoying the cool breeze that seems to be sweeping this past week's mornings.

i've been listening to hearty amount of ben harper and flickerstick lately. it just seems to make sense i guess.

on recommendation, i began, and finished the first season of, "scrubs."

when julie and i were together, i had seen episodes here and there when staying at her place. i never really found them funny. but, now that i started from the beginning, it makes more sense, and it actually is very funny. not, "the office," funny mind you, but funny. and it has a fair amount of dramatic heart.

i got giddy watching zach braff's character and this other girl, elliot, develop a brief relationship, and it made me feel good, and i laughed and... and... i don't know.

i got sentimental by watching a fictional fling on a tv show, and just as soon as the sentimentality came, it was gone.

last night, i thought about all the real relationships i've been in, which, by my reality counter, is one, as i refuse to count jess as real, because i don't think i ever really loved her.

i think out of all the women i dated, the only one i can admit to truly being in love with, is juliann.

in so many ways, i still am in love with her. i don't think that will ever change. i need to admit it to myself somedays, that, i do miss her. but that doesn't mean we were supposed to be together.

and despite these feelings i may have, it took a show like, "scrubs," to make me realize that, no matter how much i like, or enjoy romanticized stuff on tv or in film, in reality, it doesn't make much sense to me, much less mesh with who i am as a person.

i learned last night, that i don't need to rely on someone for the rest of my life. i don't need someone to wake up to, and i don't need to share my experiences throughout life, intimately.

being that guy who is the perfect compliment to who you are as a person, it's just not written in my DNA... and, i'm okay with that.

i still get frustrated when i have the urge to fuck, but that doesn't mean i want to be in a relationship. that'd be incredibly unfair and ludicrous to anyone. and honestly, i haven't been aroused in a while.

i like where i'm at in life. i like being a nerd. i like reading comicbooks, and playing videogames. it's who i am. and maybe it's selfish, but that's the honest truth. i like being alone.