"i'm you... just a little more bizarre..."

the season premiere of, "the office," left me a little jaded.

i knew they weren't going to focus mainly on the jim and pam arc overall, even though they left the last season on a cliffhanger based on their, "date." but still, for as little of it as i saw last night, i felt let down.

and it suprised me even more when the colorfulness of dwight was somehow left dismissed. it was like a dwight schrute on quaalude's. he rarely had any lines, and when he did, it was in reference to the demise of his relationship with angela, and in no way funny.

kevin made me laugh here and there, but overall, the season premiere was a pretty big let down for me on a story level, as well as tipping the scale humor level.

i also get the feeling that with how big steve carrell is becoming as a star, and how the relationship of ryan howard taking over jan's old job, that it's entirely possible that steve's character will get axed, and the show won't be renewed for another season, which, honestly, wouldn't suprise me. the british version lasted two seasons. we're lucky we got to the fourth.

another season premier that kinda let me down was, "smallville."

i love the introduction of, "bizarro," but... to me, the biggest weakness in, "smallville," is the length of time, and improper pacing of story.

they always try to fit way too much into a forty minute set, and it tends to leave you going, "what the fuck? that makes no sense..."

i knew lana wasn't going to die, because, like my assumption, she staged her own death, and chloe, would be too risky of losing an audience to kill her off.

is the well tapped of good ideas? first, the ending of, "the sopranos," and now this...? cheesus...

boy with a coin.

i'm feeling pretty down. i really have no desire to go to work. i know i say that a lot, but i really don't want to today...

i sometimes wonder how long it'd take for the bank to freeze my assests if i just stopped going to work altogether, and the mortgage wasn't being funded...

came home last night, so tired, and numb, and by numb, i mean, just quietly depressed.

my head hung low for the remainder of the afternoon and evening. although i was lucky enough to just pass out around five something, and not wake up until four this morning.

i got up, fixed a glass of diet coke, chewed on a piece of jerky, and played, "fable," for the next two and half hours...

i can at least look forward to seeing the season premier of, "smallville," and finding out what happens with bizarro from last season, and of course, the introduction to kara, ala supergirl...

and, the main course, the season premier of my favorite show... "the office."

i also should be getting season two of, "upright citizens brigade," in the mail soon... how it slipped by me last week was beyond measures, but when i realized it had been released, i found it used on amazon for fourteen bucks and nabbed it, along with a sweet ebay win... all four penny arcade collections for ten bucks... score.

the 19th of october, i will be traveling to halloween horror nights with mr. jason womack, along with melissa and company... i do look forward to that.

and now... i have to go to work. pray i don't kill myself.

modern hip-hop and the amateur porn video.

i've been watching a great deal of pornography the past day or so, and believe this or don't, but i didn't jerk off to any of it.

i'm trying to get back to a simpler time when i was younger and part of the excitement building up to climax, was just watching and getting turned on.

when i do have alone time, which is rarely, i can close my eyes, and rub one out within two to three minutes, only to be let down by a lackluster, quick orgasm... i'm trying to train myself to go longer and enjoy it. when i'm with a woman, no problem. it's like a fucking floodgate was bust open...

i'm a fan of amateur porn. mostly, i've been watching these webcam vids, of college girls doing strip teases, nothing more, to modern hip-hop music. i'm not looking for the hip-hop mind you, it just happens that every girl who decides to dance nude in front of her webcam, put on shitty music... naturally i lower the volume and pretend that they're talking really dirty, seeing how i'm turned on by dirty talk, but somewhere along the line, i picture the girl saying:

"oh yeah, you like that... oh yes... i'm so wet... ummm... i have to go doodie..."

...and then... i just start to laugh.

less than ten minutes before work, so...

things about this past weekend/today that kinda sucked:

-richard wasn't available to teach my UFS penny arcade game saturday.
-resident evil: extinction [shoulda been more obvious]
-i have to go to work with a group of people of fucking loathe today.
-miss the, "family guy," star wars hour episode.

things about this past weekend/today that kinda kick a little ass:

-got my comics.
-garth ennis's, "the boys."
-downloaded the, "family guy," star wars hour episode.
-season two of, "heroes," begins tonight, with the season premiere of, "smallville," and, "the office," on thursday.
-took my old xbox into my room and began playing for the fourth time through from scratch, "fable," and fell in love with it all over again.



things about today i want to avoid:

-people i work with.
-getting sore nipples. now, this one needs some explaining...

a few weeks ago, and again last friday, i learned that when you sweat consistently all day while working, the moisture mixed with the rubbing of your shirt, causes most of your body to break out in sores, like raw skin and shit.

well, the past two times, this last friday being the worst, both of my nipples got so raw from the sweat, that they actually bled a little, and i still have little blood scabs on my chest... so... yeah, that sucked.

"another day, another chance to get it right..."

i took puddin out this morning around four-thirty to let her do her buisness, and ended up walking around, enjoying the cool breeze that seems to be sweeping this past week's mornings.

i've been listening to hearty amount of ben harper and flickerstick lately. it just seems to make sense i guess.

on recommendation, i began, and finished the first season of, "scrubs."

when julie and i were together, i had seen episodes here and there when staying at her place. i never really found them funny. but, now that i started from the beginning, it makes more sense, and it actually is very funny. not, "the office," funny mind you, but funny. and it has a fair amount of dramatic heart.

i got giddy watching zach braff's character and this other girl, elliot, develop a brief relationship, and it made me feel good, and i laughed and... and... i don't know.

i got sentimental by watching a fictional fling on a tv show, and just as soon as the sentimentality came, it was gone.

last night, i thought about all the real relationships i've been in, which, by my reality counter, is one, as i refuse to count jess as real, because i don't think i ever really loved her.

i think out of all the women i dated, the only one i can admit to truly being in love with, is juliann.

in so many ways, i still am in love with her. i don't think that will ever change. i need to admit it to myself somedays, that, i do miss her. but that doesn't mean we were supposed to be together.

and despite these feelings i may have, it took a show like, "scrubs," to make me realize that, no matter how much i like, or enjoy romanticized stuff on tv or in film, in reality, it doesn't make much sense to me, much less mesh with who i am as a person.

i learned last night, that i don't need to rely on someone for the rest of my life. i don't need someone to wake up to, and i don't need to share my experiences throughout life, intimately.

being that guy who is the perfect compliment to who you are as a person, it's just not written in my DNA... and, i'm okay with that.

i still get frustrated when i have the urge to fuck, but that doesn't mean i want to be in a relationship. that'd be incredibly unfair and ludicrous to anyone. and honestly, i haven't been aroused in a while.

i like where i'm at in life. i like being a nerd. i like reading comicbooks, and playing videogames. it's who i am. and maybe it's selfish, but that's the honest truth. i like being alone.

"how important i could have been, to you..."

my dad turned the big fifty this past thursday. that same day, my roommate and bud, bob, turned thirty. how odd.

i miss my dad. funny old guy. he said he wants me to track down an old nintendo for him with mario and duck hunt... we definitely share genetics.

i found my halloween costume while i was in the cape yesterday.

i was waiting for tom to open up the comic store, so i went across the street to the factory outlet place, and at first, i wanted the fay raye costume with the inflatable kong hand gripping the waist... i thought that'd be funny... then i found out it was a sixty dollar get-up... so, i found something better... it involves a nod to an old harold ramis movie i hold dear to my heart... you'll find out close to the day.

while picking up my comics, i conversed with tom as more people came into the store.

normally, i get my books and bolt. i always feel i'll make fun of too many people if i don't, but something stopped me yesterday.

this elderly lady dropped off her three grandchildren to hang out for the remainder of the afternoon to play magic or whatever they were gonna play. she thanked tom for allowing them to have a social outlet that didn't involve the crap that so many kids get caught up into, in today's time.

i smiled and felt grateful for tom and the comic store. i only wish i had a place like that to go to when i was younger.

as i was getting ready to leave, tom said all the kids in general, that he found an unopened UFS deck, and everyone when apeshit... i made a comment how i didn't get it, and he explained the roleplaying game basis to me, and i then remembered that my penny arcade card game was a universal game based in that game system, and could cross over with any of their existing games...

...however, i never learned how to play, and when i mentioned that, all the kids told me to bring my decks in next week, and within five minutes i would be modestly on my way to dominating nerds that where less worthy than me.

so... next saturday when i go to get my comics, i will sit down with a cherry rain gatorade, and learn how to play this...



finally, the forty bucks i spent on the deck will pay off.

"the brother solomon," was just as unfunny as i expected it to be. i made it through forty minutes before i stopped it.

i had digiorno pizza for the first time last night. it was good. not as good as tombstone, but good.

i got a bag of halloween frosted animal cookies, a copy of the new collector's edition of, "the return of the living dead," and two new bottles of nasal spray... and that, is why i'm an uber loser.

oh shit, also, i got a sweet, "justice league of america," shirt in my size at WALMART OF ALL PLACES! for only eight bucks. i shit a brick when i saw it, and nabbed it. the fucking JLA rules.

this comes out...

october 2... it also features david cross, morgan murphy, eugene mirman, and a slew of my other favorite comedians... facken suhweet!

been a good past few days so far...

echoes, silence, patience and grace.

the new foo fighters is really good. ridiculously good. i'm not sure if it's, "in your honor," good, but it's definitely good.

the past few days have been blurs. i've been working my ass off at work, playing, "halo 2," at every opportunity, and tycho from penny arcade and i talked briefly via xbox live headset, and he confirmed that the penny arcade game, will be released on xbox live arcade which gave me all sorts of good vibes... sometime in december according to 1up.com

i started getting a sore throat this morning which sucks ass.

i have this strong urge, after i pick up my comics tonight, to swing by a game store and buy, "elder scrolls: oblivion, game of the year edition," and just get myself lost for the next few years... i really want to play that game something bad. more than, "halo 3."

two more months and, "mario galaxy," will be on wii which i look forward to as well. any new mario is good.

i feel like this blog is bland. maybe because i don't feel interesting. sorry.



november 27... i look forward to a new futurama movie...

destroying the painting and blowing on halos.

realistically, i began playing the first, "halo," four or five days ago.

it was my intention to work through it, and then the follow-up in preparation for the third coming the end of this month.

see, i like to think it's because of all the lsd i did from '99 to '02, that i can't retain anything. how a game is from start to finish, what i just read in the current run of JLA, or anything tv related.

if i do something continuously, over and over, no problem, but if it's one time through and a few weeks pass, i forget it completely. which, is why i'm replaying the games from scratch... so as to keep the master chief storyline fresh in my memory for the third.

i worked through the first one like i said, the past four/five days, and finally came to the end. it's a six minute race to escape from the soon to destruct, pillar of autumn...

needless to say, i'm stuck there.

if it's one thing i've loathed throughout the halo games, is that the vehicles, with the exception of the scorpion and banshee, are next to impossible to handle properly. case in point, this last race having to race out with the shitty steered warthog.

i'm confident i can do it, just not this morning. i tried three times, and after eighteen minutes of death, you tend to give up.

but this morning, captivated in the forthcoming of the end, i was briefly transfered back to when i was dating jess, and she lived here with me.

it wasn't a focus on her, but more of how i felt at that time.

i was twenty-five, and the 360 had just come out, and i was hooked on this caffeinated shower soap that think geek makes, and how i looked forward to reading the newest penny arcade's... i think that year was one of my better, despite living with a woman who was... now, in thinking back, cold as ice. i mean, the weather was chilly then, but one could say that she was literally, frosty, in personality.

recently, i discovered a painting she had done for me as a gift. i looked at it for almost an hour trying to figure it out. just randoms blurred strokes. red, blue, black... i came to a conclusion. i hate art in the sense that it's full of soul and personality. i hate someone who paints an obscure mess and says, "this took me forever, and i poured myself into completely, to bare witness to those who convey it..."

...i destroyed that painting she gave to me. i took it out back, and whaled it against an avocado tree, picked it up, and just began tearing the canvas apart with my hands. when i was done, i crumpled it all up, and threw it in a garbage can.

i need a glass of orange juice.

"you can hug it out, bitch..." -michael scott.

"gears of war," PC will have FIVE NEW single player chapters, one in which you can battle the brumak itself...



and guess what... these new chapters won't be downloadable on xbox live... only pc, so... thanks cliffy b for fucking the fans that put your game on the map... douchebag.

"Hatchet is a 2007 slasher film from Ariescope Pictures [1]. Set in the Louisiana bayou, it is the story of the legend of Victor Crowley. A group of tourists discover that the legend is real and more horrifying than they ever imagined. It features an all-star horror cast that includes Kane Hodder (Friday the 13th), Robert Englund (A Nightmare on Elm Street), Tony Todd (Candyman), Mercedes McNab (Buffy The Vampire Slayer) and Joshua Leonard (The Blair Witch Project). Hatchet is billed as "a throwback to the glory days of horror that literally saws the face off the 'slasher film' as you know it."

above taken from wikipedia, because i'm too tired to write my own version.



i had found out about, "hatchet," through one of the many negative reviews i had read for rob zombie's, "halloween."

it had come up as a reference point of comparison as to how zombie could get a horrible film like his, "halloween," made, while adam green created this indi-budgeted film called, "hatchet," that is a nod to the glory days of the slasher genre.

i sought the film out because it seemed to be talked about by many people as being a truly, original horror flick.

i found the film, downloaded it, ripped it to stream to my 360, and watched one of the coolest, bloodiest films i had seen in a long while, reminding me how much i respect underground horror films that generally go straight to dvd.

i'm not going to talk about the plot, or the well known people who are in the flick... just, it's good to see an original horror film that made me the feel the way i felt when i saw peter jackson's, "dead alive," for the first time... captivated and in awe of something amazing.

visually it's stunning. well shot, digital... and to open the film with marilyn manson's, "this is the new shit,"... i never thought i'd say this, but what a perfect fit for a fucking film opening.

you need to search this flick out and marvel in it...

"God reached his hand down from the sky, he flooded the land then he set it on fire..."

four twenty five in the morning. i've been up since one thirty. i'm tired, and need to be at work in two or three hours. the will to sleep is there, but i can't seem to fall back asleep.

started playing halo from ground zero and up to two in preparation for 3. the only problems with game sequels is the same for monthly comic books... i can't retain the previous story in my mind... probably from all the lsd i did from '99 to '02...

"the office," season 3 dvd is good. not great, but good. the blooper reel was a let down, but over 3 hours of deleted scenes that are pure gold, was definitely a nice touch. and the commentaries. i'm still not through it all the way.

i did get a copy of the new, "HIM," album, "venus doom," which is better than the last album, "dark light," but no where near as good as their earlier works.

it seems to me that all the bands i love that were once great in my mind's eye... well, their new music just doesn't do anything for me. is music dead?

i love the song, "here's your future," by the thermals.

okay... i'm... going to try and fall back asleep for at least an hour.

premonitions and chinese food.

while it has an occasinal, amusing chuckle or two, "balls of fury," was what i expected... a mediocre comedy with truly talented comedians that i expected more from. oh well.

the one thing the movie did for me was give me this massive craving for chinese food. how is it, that we have 24 mcdonald's, taco bell and wendy's that are open till 3 a.m., but no late night/all night and day chinese take out?

i eat from only one place when it comes to chinese... "chinese kitchen," on metro pkwy and winkler. it's hands down the best and freshest chinese i've ever had. and i eat only two different meals there depending on my mood. honey chicken, or sesame chicken lunch combos... i'm telling you, i refuse to eat chinese any place else but there.

so, after figuring the bills out, i have to settle for the regular version of, "the office," season three. which is okay, but i'm so broke, i can't get season two of, "robot chicken." bummed.

the next 360 game i'm looking forward to the most isn't that far off...



search out the trailer on on gametrailers.com... it looks so good. bob and i both decree it. we want to play it.

bob's getting, "halo 3," which is cool, because i don't think i'll pick it up until it becomes dirt cheap, and until i beat the second game to get in sync with continuity. besides, i really want to play on live more than anything with it.

today is labor day. i'm gonna go to the hospital and see if i can watch women give labor?

follow roland into the darkness as he looks for his mojo.

currently listening to:

i beat, "the darkness," last night. that's two 360 games in two weeks. on a roll.

since i beat it, i started downloading every mike patton album i could find... for those who don't know, mike patton does the voice of the darkness with no special audio editing mind you, that's all him... he's gotten the most broad vocal range of anyone working in that industry today, and is also one of the biggest musical geniuses in modern american music to date. the dude can do anything... if you've never heard, "faith no more," "tomahawk," "mr. bungel," "peeping tom," etc... you've been under a rock. the dude is fucking brilliant... and insane.

he did a portion of music on the darkness soundtrack, which is one simple amazing faction to the game itself... i think i like the game more than i liked, "bioshock."

it was flawless. visually stunning. appealing to fans of marc silvestri's comic. controls were solid... it was great.

my only gripe. too short. like many of the 360 games i've played. way too short.

my next 360 title to be conquered will be, "stranglehold." i've decreed it. but i can't get that until next payday. i will begin re-playing, "the warriors," to hold me over.

best buy is offereing a special office box, boxset of, "the office," season three for ten bucks more than the regular. it comes with a dwight bobblehead and a dundie award... guess which one i'm going for? yeah...

got some comics yesterday. began reading the full seven issue run of the dark tower prequel, "the gunslinger born." so good...

wrong turn 2. i got it. it has a patton oswalt voiceover, and henry rollins is in it... is it as enjoyable as the first... no.

balls of fury... haven't seen it yet.

the rob zombie, "halloween," ordeal. okay.

i got a workprint of the film this past monday. a full week in advance.

the first fifty minutes, and it's exact, i clocked it, are incredibly well done. the backstory of young michael is intriguing and well played out. my only complaint with any of the beginning is william forsythe as the asshole boyfriend of michael's mother.

i love william as an actor, hell, he made, "the devil's rejects," for me and my money, but in this film, he just doesn't work. it feels too overacted and doesn't compliment the amazing job that sherri moon zombie actually did to a character that is to be taken serious.

she stepped up with an A game performance as a struggling mother doing what she has to do to make ends meet.

the film falls immediatley as soon as michael goes back to haddonfield. the teens are annoying and horribly acted out, with the exception of getting to see danielle harris' tits.

i don't like how malcolm mcdowell plays sam loomis as a guy who capitalized on his time with michael by writing a best selling novel.

and i didn't like the pointless end of killing, and then michael realizing it's wrong dropping his knife, only to be blasted away by the cops with loomis blubbering like a baby. it was awful.

the film on a whole towards the end was poorly written, shot, and executed by the actors involved.

i'm told the theatrical verison has a different ending, which i'm not sure what it is, but i can tell you this... i believe in zombie as a filmmaker. i do. i loved, "house of 1,000 corpses," and gushed over, "devil's rejects." i just think this wasn't something he should've tried to do.